FADE IN OUTSIDE OCEAN WORLD.

WORKER 1
Up for a movie tonight?

Worker #2 looks at Killer Whale in the pool watching t.v. on a tiny portable. Pictures of his hero Cowboy Jeff adorn the tile wall nearby.

WORKER 2
Heheh! Too bad ol’ Killer here can’t come. He’s probably lonely.

WORKER 1
Nah he’s got his pictures and movies of Cowboy Jeff…
Below the surface, Killer Whale; flipping through a comic of Cowboy Jeff Adventures, grumbles as the workers walk o.s. Then he makes faces at them.

KILLER WHALE (to himself)
Hmph! Well, I got better things to do anyway…

KILLER WHALE
Like, daydream….
We see Killer imagining himself as a cowboy. He looks silly on his horse… it’s a seahorse. He’s got a starfish on his vest made of seaweed, two fish slung in his holster and boots made of shells.

KILLER WHALE
Just like my hero, Cowboy Jeff…

Cut to Killer holding a signed soggy picture of Cowboy Jeff which is a bit warped from the wetness.
Then Killer thinks…

KILLER WHALE
Hey, what am I waitin’ for?

He jumps out of the pool and kicks the fish bucket.

KILLER WHALE
This place bites pike anyway!

He paces back and forth as he speaks.

KILLER WHALE
Always jumping for the people like a sandflea… balance this on your nose Killer!… swim like that Killer! Jump through this FLAMING hoop, Killer!

He really gets whipped up into a frenzy.

KILLER WHALE
Hah!  And there’s no cable either! Well, not anymore. This fish is fried! I quit!

WIPE TO:
Tombstone bus stop as a bus pulls in.

KILLER WHALE
Well, I’m here! (to the driver)
As mama used to say, change is inevitable… except from a vending machine.
We hear sfx of metal creaking as Killer starts to get out of the bus. People are smashed against the windows as he wrenches himself out of his “bus shirt”.

KILLER WHALE
I guess these things aren’t made for us ‘full-form’ fellows
When he emerges, the bus is demolished, smoking and shaking from the strain. He walks O.S.
Cut to squished people in back of bus.

MAN
Now I know how sardines feel…

DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DOWNTOWN TOMBSTONE AZ.
Killer is surveying the town. It’s a modern city. He sees a touristy western outfit shop.

KILLER WHALE
Wow! Son of a seabiscuit, a cowboy shop! Just like Cowboy Jeff!

Killer walks into the small building, damaging it as he plows inside.

CUT TO:
INT. STORE
Killer is way too big for the place as he browses through the items.

KILLER WHALE (to the salesman)
Where’s the petite whale section?

A big burly salesman with a ten-gallon hat and spurs screams like a little girl at the site of Killer in his store.

KILLER WHALE
Who licked the red off your candy, fella?
Killer tries to button his vest but can’t due to no thumbs.

KILLER WHALE
I need thumbs!

KILLER WHALE (to salesman)
Help…

Like a little boy, he has to resort to letting the clerk do it for him.

CUT TO:
EXT. CLOTHING SHOP
Killer comes out wearing clothes that are way too small for him.

KILLER WHALE
Perfect fit! Stamp me all over and call me cowboy!

Sfx of snapping boards, he falls through deck.

KILLER WHALE
Shoddy craftsmanship.

The Salesman comes out of store as Killer saunters off pulling his wedgied pants out of his butt crack.

CLOCK WIPE TO:
EXT. TOMBSTONE STREET – LATER
Killer rides an obviously over-burdened horse. The horse is gasping and wheezing as it tries to support him. Killer sees a sign on a building that says BEAUTY SALON. He tries to read the sign.

KILLER WHALE
Hey what’s that say?… Bee-yoo-tee Sah-loon. Cool! A Saloon! Wait here horsie.

HORSE
No problem, chief.

The horse collapses onto the ground.

KILLER WHALE (TO HORSE)
oh c’mon, I’m not THAT heavy!
Killer walks inside, again crashing through the doorway into the salon.
Sfx: Crash!

CUT TO
INT. OF SALON
Inside ladies having their hair dyed and getting facials and manicures gasp. KILLER WHALE walks up to counter and leans on it. It groans under his weight.
Sfx: Kreeeaaak

KILLER WHALE
Gimmee a shot a clam juice m’am!

WOMAN CLERK
You’re joking…

KILLER WHALE
Do I look like I’m joking’?
She walks off screen laughing and rolling her eyes.

KILLER WHALE (to cam)
I think the slime has slipped off her fish.

Killer turns to survey the room. The ladies all whisper about him.

KILLER WHALE
Yo Ladies… Shouldn’t y’all be playin’ poker and chewin’ on bubblegum cigars? Saloons are s’pose to be smelly holes with stinky fellas not smell of pouporri and tea!

LADY # 2
This isn’t a saloon sir, it’s a salon.
Killer thinks as he sits in one of the salon chairs. He notices a hand hair dryer which looks like a gun.

KILLER WHALE (TO HIMSELF)
Hmm, they got guns all over the place. This is definitely a saloon. Must be one of them funny French saloons.
He looks at the lady next to him. She has on one of those metal helmet hair dryers on her head.

KILLER WHALE
Hey lady, what ya wearin on yer head?

LADY #2
Why, it’s a hair dryer.

KILLER WHALE
Hmmm, got no need for that. (points to head) Bald as a balloon

LADY #2
Well that’s what wigs are for.

Killer reaches over to a rack of wigs and plops one on his head.

KILLER WHALE
Whaddya think? Not that I’m fishing for compliments mind you… Tee hee.

The lady gives him a funny look and shakes her head “No.” Killer tosses it O.S. He sees a flurry of women standing over another woman lying back on a chair. (power tool sfx.)

KILLER WHALE
What’s going on over there?

LADY#2
That lady’s getting a facial.

KILLER WHALE
What’s a facial?

LADY # 2
(calling)
Hey girls? Fresh meat!

With that the women all turn around and descend upon Killer trying to make him up!

LADIES ( WALLA)
Oh he’s definitely a Winter, No he’s a Summer, A little blush here, Take off the shine! The shine! Exfoliate girls!
When they pull away, Killer has been made up to look like a woman, He looks in the mirror and screams.

KILLER WHALE (startled)
Mommy!?.. oh it’s just me… wheeeew.

A lady calls to Killer from o.s.

LADY #3
Excuse me… miss?
Killer, still made up, walks over to a lady sitting in a manicurist’s chair.

KILLER WHALE
Hi lady!

LADY #3
Girlfriend, you could use a makeover.

KILLER
I just had one!

LADY #3
Hmmph. Good thing I’m just here to have my nails painted.

KILLER WHALE
Good for you…

LADY #3
Well, hurry up, Herman’s waiting.

Fast cut to Herman, a drooling old man with hair in his ears and nose slumped over and asleep in a waiting chair snoring loud enough to rattle the windows behind him.  His teeth sink onto his chin as he snores. Killer makes a face like he’s grossed out. The lady puts her head back and holds her hands out. Killer shrugs and takes them.

KILLER WHALE (tapping fin on cheek)
Paint nails…paint nails…

Then he gets an idea.

WIPE TO LATER:
We see a c.u. of  LADY #3 as she snores a little “meeemeeemmeee” sound.

KILLER WHALE(OS)
All done, snore-zilla.

The lady snorts, wakes up and looks down at her nails. They’re the same as before.

LADY #3
What in Matilda’s name is this?! Why aren’t my nails done?

KILLER WHALE
They are…over here!

He points to a box of carpenter nails all shiny and painted a bright red.

LADY # 3
Of all the…

KILLER WHALE
While you were sleeping I also figured I’d color your hair for you. I’m almost done too.
Fast truck out to see that Killer is coloring the lady’s hair with a magic marker!

LADY #3
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

KILLER WHALE
Well, whaddya expect?! I ain’t no masicurist!

LADY # 3
I’ll massacre YOU!
Suddenly, the lady rips her dress off to reveal a wrestling leotard underneath. The old lady picks him up, twists him around and throws him into a tabouret scattering makeup and lipsticks everywhere!They jump! Intercut shadow shots of Killer and the crazy makeover ladies as they fight.

KILLER WHALE
“Uh oh….”

EXT. OF BEAUTY SALON:
Killer runs out blasting through the wall. The ladies are a half step behind! They toss makeup supplies at him. One beans him in the head with a bunch of compacts thrown like chinese stars.

KILLER WHALE (panting as he runs)
Ya make a few mistakes and suddenly the tides turn on ya! Sheesh!

LADIES
Get him! Hair wrecker! Exfoliator! Nail painter! String him up! “

KILLER WHALE
Not quite the way Cowboy Jeff woulda exited but at least there’s a sunset!

Killer runs into the sunset as the ladies continue to chase him.

FADE OUT.